First year marriage advice

 

Our first year of marriage was hard. I know that seems a bit to the point, but it was. Here is a list of things we had to deal with in our first year of marriage:

- We had a leak in our kitchen

- We had to have some of our roof repaired (another leak)

- We got scammed by those roofers and had to pay more money to get it fixed properly

- We had multiple gas leaks (I hate the word leak...)

- My husband lost his job

- We had to buy a car for work (this drained our savings)

- I got diagnosed with my heart condition

As you can see we had a lot to deal with, especially a lot of financial strain. Throughout that first year Andy and I continued to fall deeper in love and were so thankful we got married, but the circumstances around us weren't brilliant. We also were newly married and new to living together, so there was a lot to learn. Below are some tips for married couples in their first year of marriage:

1. Remove your expectations and try and live in the moment

I had SO many expectations, I had spent the majority of my 20s single and thinking about marriage and what it would be like. I expected we would be on the same page about everything, I believed because I read many books on marriage I'd been a pro wife....how wrong was I. In our first year of marriage I was far from a pro wife and had to be humble and admit I was new to this. It will be a bumpy first year, rather than living in disappointment I hope you can live in excitement for what's to come.

2. Don't be in each other's pockets

Have friends, have hobbies, have interests that aren't revolved around your spouse. Before I got married I would play my guitar and write songs, when we married that stopped. Before we got married Andy would go running several times a week, when we got married that stopped. Even now we're having to work on this. When you marry I believe you become one, but that doesn't mean you have to spend every second together. What made you interesting to your spouse in the first place was probably that interest you had, or that hobby you were great at, so don't stop pursuing those things just because you said "I do".

3. Continue dating

I remember the excitement of waiting at my house for Andy to come and pick me up for a date, sometimes he brought chocolate to surprise me. I loved that feeling of being pursued, that desire hasn't changed since becoming a wife. Andy and I found that dates became few and far between when we got married, especially when things started to go wrong around the house in that first year. We're still working on this one, but we do try our best to plan a weekly date night and we do also try and dress up a little. That excitement you felt at the beginning, you should want that 10, 20 years into your marriage. I remember one time being in my parents kitchen with my mum and we saw that my dad was pulling up in the car after work, my mum said "I still get excited when I see his car pulling up", they've been married over 40 years. Who wouldn't want that feeling after 40 years of marriage?

4. Make future plans together

Here's what happened to us, we got married, went on our honeymoon, returned home and got stuck into our mundane routine. Life started to get a little boring, work was 9-5 and then we'd crash in front of the TV, then go to bed and start all over again the next day. When Andy and I started to make plans together and started putting things into action it got exciting again! As I'm writing this blog I'm thinking about all the exciting things we've got planned and I can't wait to share some of them with you all. Don't let your marriage become stagnant, keep it alive and moving.

I hope you found that helpful. This is specifically aimed at newlyweds in their first year of marriage, but I hope it also helps everyone, single people hoping to get married one day to married couples in their 40th year of marriage!

Here's a photo of Andy and I in our first year of marriage, loved up and overwhelmed. 

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