Real Talk: Submission in marriage
So let's answer the question, what is submission?
In Ephesians 5:22-24 it says 'Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands'. In 1 Corinthians 11:3 it says 'But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God'.
This shows us that there is an order in leadership, it is God, then a husband and then a wife. However it's important to see that is doesn't say God, then a man, and then a woman, as a woman I am not expected to submit to every man on the planet, only one man, my husband. Husbands carry a great level of responsibility, as it is there job to be a disciple of Jesus, to live a life for him that ultimately serves his wife. The verses in Ephesians are saying that husbands should sacrifice themselves for their wives, just like Jesus sacrificed himself for us, husbands are called to love their wives and to honor them. No role is easy, but both have their purpose in allowing a marriage to function in the way God intended. We also need to remind ourselves that in Ephesians 5:21 it says 'submitting to one another out of reverence to Christ'. This is a reminder that we need to serve one another and let our marriage resemble Jesus and the Church, as that is one of the reasons we were created to marry.
I understand this isn't easy, but I want you to take encouragement that both men and woman were created in the image of God, in His eyes we are all equal. Just because women and men are called to do different things does not mean one is less than the other, it is the world we are living in that has created that mindset, not God. So ultimately submission is following an order God created for marriage so that our marriages will be successful, not for a husband to dominate his wife and use that gift from God as a way to inflict harm.
I want to share 5 ways that I show/try to show submission and respect to my husband, and I want to explain how these 5 ways also bless me in return.
#1 - I do my best to let my husband lead our home and I honor his discernment
What does this look like in my marriage? When we have big decisions to make I often express my thoughts and my husband often reflects and receives guidance from God on what direction to lead our family in and we then discuss our next steps as a couple. My husband listens to me, he loves me and every decision he makes at the heart of it is for me. My husband has a wonderful drive to lead us financially, to provide for us and to protect us from future hardships, however this does sometimes lead to job changes, new decisions which can at first seem unsettling (as I don't like too much change). However I have to respect that God has called Andy to lead our home and so therefore God is guiding him and speaking to him in a way He isn't speaking to me. Ultimately this blesses me as it is a reassurance I am on a path God is wanting for me, in my marriage.
#2 - Actively live out my calling as a Godly wife
I do my best to help and support my husband in his en-devours, I try to encourage him with words and I try to look after our home. There are many things I do to show my husband that I am fulfilling my calling as a Biblical wife, those are just a few examples. When we demonstrate to our husbands that we want to live out our calling as a Biblical wife, it shows that we trust our husband with his calling as a Biblical husband, as we're not trying to take over his role, we're letting him flourish in it, as we flourish in our role as a wife. This blesses me greatly as I am living the way God has called me to live, so therefore I will receive blessing and see fruition in my marriage.
#3 - I understand my husband is different to me, and I try and love his differences
Men and women were created with different needs and desires. One of the greatest ways we can honor and show respect to our husband is by showing we understand him and love him for his differences. I now understand that my husbands need to work hard and provide isn't just something he wants, it's something he needs as God has placed it inside of him. I understand the way Andy processes emotions and information is different than the way I do, and I try to be open to those differences, even if I don't always understand. You often find at the start of marriage those differences can cause a wedge between you, it definitely did for us in the first year of marriage, but through prayer and patience it will become easier. I love that I get to experience how different he is, as I didn't have brothers I wasn't used to being around young men and even today I'm learning new things. It is wonderful if not at times slightly hard to get my head around! It also helps me embrace my unique perspective on life, as I'm required to bring my female perspective to our marriage so that it will work to it's best ability.
#4 - I do my best to let him have a voice and to use it
This is an area I have found challenging, as you can probably tell from reading my blog I have a lot of thoughts and I like sharing them. Sadly today men's voices are being silenced and it is creating a lot of passive, quiet men and that needs to change. My husband was called to be leader, a leader has a voice and those who hear it respect it and trust it. As my husband is the leader of my home it is important I allow him to be heard, as I mentioned earlier God gives him discernment that He doesn't give me, so if I never let him be heard then our family is missing out on important guidance.
#5 - Speak highly of my husband when he's not around
We all fall down the trap of gossip or mocking those we love for a laugh, it's wrong but I have done it from time to time and instantly regretted it. I am no expert in this, but I try to make sure that when I speak about my husband to others that I'm speaking in a way that lifts him up and shows people what a great man he is. I respect my husband, but I also want others to as well, I want them to see he is an honorable man and deserves to be respected and treated in a kind manner. You often find wives gossiping about their husbands on girls nights out, I hear it all the time if I'm being honest. I've overheard words like 'useless, doesn't protect the children, lazy', I obviously don't know what those men are like, maybe they aren't the best of husbands, maybe they are lazy, however that doesn't give those women the right to put down their husbands. If you are facing challenges in your marriage, or if you are finding your husband isn't leading your home the way he should, it's important to seek counsel together, not from gossiping with your friends, who ultimately only want a laugh and probably don't care that much about your husband. We have to remember as wives, if people view our husbands as good men, respected and Godly then that is then a reflection on you.
I'm sure this blog has been a challenge, it has been a challenge to me as I need to keep working on submission and respecting my husband. God doesn't expect perfection in marriage, but He certainly wants us to do our best and to be aware when an area of our marriage needs work. Don't be passive in your marriage, don't get lazy - work hard at it, as that is when you'll reap the blessing.
Next Blog: Exciting Changes
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