What I learnt from attending a marriage course

 Andy and I took part in a 7 session course on Christian marriage from October to February and we learnt so much. Today I want to share with you my top takeaways from the course and why I believe you should partake in this course if you are married.

Session 1 - Strengthening Connection

In this session it covered the importance of staying connected through the different stages of marriage, plus the importance of date nights and continuing to get to know one another throughout your marriage. This session was really helpful for Andy and I, as you know if you're a regular reader we've been through a lot in our marriage already, however unlike the other couples on the course, we've not had years to get to know each other and grow, so we're prepared for those hard seasons. This session challenged me personally to keep getting to know my husband through every season. Whether that's through date nights, through asking questions or taking an interest in his interests. Marriage can be a bumpy road, so it helps if you know your person and take initiative in continually getting to know them along the way. 

Session 2 - The Art of Communication

Gosh did we need this session! We practiced active listening and it felt very awkward, but over the months we started to notice it naturally happening and definitely helping. I grew up in a family of women and I'm very chatty, whereas my husband can be quiet and isn't always the first to speak. For months and months I would speak over him without even meaning to, this course highlighted this to the both of us and over time helped us grow in this area. My favourite thing about this session was when they talked about the importance of taking the problem you're talking about and placing it in front of you so it's not causing a barrier between you. When Andy and I talk now and we're discussing an issue I'm constantly telling myself 'put the problem in front of you'. Otherwise it's so easy for the problem to become another problem, and then another problem. You find yourself 30 minutes into an argument about something that has nothing to do with your original discussion. 

Session 3 - Resolving Conflict

This session focused a lot on appreciating one another and making sure your marriage has God at the centre. It talked about finding an 'us' solution, rather than just trying to get your own way. I felt challenged by this session, as I often like getting my own way and I'm not the best at meeting people half way. I learnt that all my human interactions require me to meet the person in the middle, but especially my relationship with my husband. If I'm honest I think I was better at meeting others half way than I was with my husband. I had to learn that the most important relationship in my life takes the most amount of work and requires regular change and adaption to new seasons.

Session 4 - The Power of Forgiveness

This session highlighted that buried unforgiveness always has a way of showing itself, and that true forgiveness takes work and is required in marriage. Before we married Andy and I went through a season of forgiveness and healing, as we both had past wounds that needed God's healing before we felt ready to start our marriage covenant together. I personally learnt that some of my forgiveness, not only for Andy but also for myself maybe wasn't fully resolved. I went on a journey, and at times I would say I'm still on the journey, but I'm thankful for this session for reminding me that buried hurt doesn't just disappear. 

Session 5 - The Impact of Family

This session discussed how to have healthy boundaries with family, but also the importance of healing past wounds that may have been inflicted by family members. I believe that when we marry we start our own family, it doesn't start when you have children. Andy and I over the last couple years have taken influence from both our upbringings and formed it into our own version of what family looks like, and also how we want our future family to look like. This session was helpful in defining some values and goals for our current family, but also for our future. Thankfully Andy and I both had very good upbringings that were quite similar, so we both have often been on the same page, however there are always things that can cause divide or conflict. This session helps alleviate some of those challenges with the hope of your new family being healthy and heading in a direction you both decide together.

Session 6 - Good sex

Married couples need this session, as the way the world views and treats sex today is so wrong. Andy and I learnt in this session that sex isn't just beautiful, enjoyable and pleasurable, but that it's a priority. We were also reminded that men and women's needs are different and that it requires time and commitment to grow in this part of your marriage. If I'm being honest the church does not talk about sex enough and what a healthy Christian sex life in marriage should look like. This course was helpful in explaining the importance of protecting your marriage from outside attacks, whether that's flirtations, porn, unmet expectations etc. Like every other part of our marriage, our sex life takes work and needs protecting, as sadly the enemy often uses God's beautiful creation in marriage for his evil plans, please don't let the enemy get between something so beautiful that could only be designed by our awesome creator. 

Session 7 - Love in action

I'm sure you've all heard of the 5 love languages, this was covered in this session. I found this session really helpful as it was very practical. I got to learn what my husbands love language is, plus we also discussed the importance of kind words, which I have been trying to improve on since that session. We need to show our spouse every day that we love them and we need this to be received by our spouse, so learning what makes them feel most loved is so important. 

 I hope you've found this blog helpful, Andy and I regularly watch courses and read books on marriage, as we know it's the most important relationship on this earth that we will ever have. If you're interested in attending this course yourself please click here. They also do pre-marriage courses which Andy and I also attended, which was very helpful.

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