Wife Talk: 4 things I've learnt

Andy and I got married in January 2023, I shared in previous blogs some advice, plus what I wish I would have known before getting married. In today's blog I want to share some of the specific things I've learnt about being a wife. I do want to say this is what I'VE learnt, you may not agree with it, you may not have experienced these things yourself, this is what I have experienced and learnt.

1. I'm the thermostat of our home

A thermometer measures the temperature, a thermostat regulates it. If I'm having a bad day, it will impact Andy's day, if I'm cranky in the morning, chances are Andy will feel a bit cranky. They say this is true for mum's as well, your emotions or behaviour will impact your children and those surrounding you. I have noticed this is true in marriage, I have also noticed that if Andy isn't having a good day he hides it better than me, maybe it's a woman thing, we wear our hearts on our sleeves, our emotions are hard to read sometimes, but gosh they are there! The more I have realised this the more I have tried to regulate my emotions better, as I don't want one moment of me feeling moody to ruin both of our days. I am still working on this one, it will probably be a life long mission, but it's something I think wife's and mum's should be aware of.


2. I'm the homemaker 

I don't want to gender stereotype and say all women are homemakers, but I have seen a pattern in married couples I know. The wife not only tends to be the one who cares about decor etc. but also wants to make the house a home purely by being there and inviting people over. When we got married I moved into Andy's house, I say house because it wasn't a home. He'd had a water leak and so for a long time the house was a construction site and the house was vacant. Andy has said that I have made the house a home. I also am the one who does most of the cleaning and the laundry, part of this is because Andy works more hours than I do. However even when we both worked the same hours I found myself automatically leading the organisation of the home. I'm not saying women should do all the chores and cooking, in fact I don't agree with that. What I am saying is that as a woman we naturally carry a care for our home and that is a wonderful thing. 


3. I need to be my husband's friend and lover, not his mum

There's an author and speaker I like called Jimmy Evans, he is a marriage expert. I was watching a talk the other day on what men need in marriage. One of the points Jimmy made was that men need a friend, they need a wife who will do fun hobbies along side them. Men also need a wife who is a lover, a wife who is invested in building intimacy and romance into the marriage. What Jimmy said they don't need is a mum, they already have one. It became so natural for me to want to take control and nag my husband at times, I soon realised how frustrating that was. I like to think I'm a lot better at this, but it is still something I have to remind myself of at times. 

4. My role as a wife is not a provider or leader

This may have split opinion, but in the Bible it makes it very clear that the husband is the head of the home, he is also the leader and provider for his wife and children. Being a provider and a leader doesn't only mean bringing in the money, it can mean protecting your family emotionally and spiritually and leading your family with Godly discernment. I noticed when I tried to lead it felt wrong, it felt uncomfortable for me and for Andy it felt like I was removing his God given call as a husband. Every couple will need to discuss this topic to work out what feels right. One thing I did see is that when Andy leads with integrity and care I always feel loved and provided for and our marriage feels like it's heading in a healthy direction.


I hope if you're a wife that this blog has helped you and challenged you. One thing I wish I would have known is that being married is hard work, anything worth investment often takes hard work. Getting married has highlighted so many areas of weakness for me, but the wonderful thing is that I'm in a secure marriage where we can be vulnerable and work on those areas of weakness.

Next Blog: My minimalist lifestyle 

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