Simplifying my life (Part 1)

Before I start this blog I want to apologize for the 'My Mental Health Journey' blog which wasn't published. Andy and I have spent the last week away from home, we spent some time at my in laws and the majority of the time in Cornwall. Having this quiet time away from the normal routine made me realise I wasn't quite ready to share that journey. This isn't due to shame, it is due to still working it all out. One of the biggest triggers of poor mental health for me is when life gets too busy. On holiday I was reading two books, the first book is by Lysa TerKeurst titled 'The Best Yes' and the second is by John Mark Comer titled 'The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry'. These two books share one similar theme, we're all too busy, all too hurried, all making poor decisions due to our busy rushed lives. Even though I'm not quite ready to share my full mental health journey, I do want to share what a hurried, busy life has done to me, and what I'm trying to implement to make necessary changes to enjoy a simpler life.

1. Busyness caused me to get burnt out 
From the outside my life doesn't seem too busy. I'm newly married, we don't have kids yet and our jobs aren't too demanding. So why have busyness burnt me out? I have a busy mind. If there was a piece of technology which allowed you to see inside my mind I would be embarrassed. We spent a lot of our holiday on motorways and my mind often feels like a motorway. It's going 70 mph and my thoughts are constantly overtaking one another. So what am I doing to change this? I am starting to implement a quiet time in the morning and before bed. I would say my most hectic times of day for my mind are first thing in the morning and last thing at night. To counteract that I've decided to make that the time when I turn of all technology, read my Bible or read a book and slow myself down.  

2. Being in a constant state of hurry caused me to be irritable 
An example of this was earlier today when we got back home from our holiday. We'd been on the road for almost 4 hours and we had to do the weekly food shop, unpack our bags, do the laundry, change the bedding, cook tea etc. I was feeling overwhelmed with the amount of stuff on our to do list. We were doing our weekly food shop and I was walking around full speed, Andy could barely keep up. As we were leaving one car park to go to the other supermarket Andy tried to hold my hand and slow me down. As I had been listening to 'The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry' on the journey home I felt obligated to try and appear calm, inside I wanted to tell Andy I didn't have time for romance, I want to get everything done, now. I hate it when I'm irritable with my husband, typically I'm most irritable when I feel in a rush. I hope through quiet time I will become less irritable and more patient with the people in my life.

3. A rushed life has led to a discontent life
This is hard to admit, but because I'm always in such a rush and feel like I have so much to accomplish I often find myself only giving 75% to the things in my life. If I reduced some of the demands I reckon I'd be getting closer to that 100%. When you're constantly feeling like everything you're doing is just average and not your best it easily gets you feeling down and discontent. To try and improve this area of my life I plan on reducing some of those demands I put on myself and making sure the important things in my life are getting my full attention.

4. A busy life has stopped me hearing my internal voice
When I share my mental health story you will see that it has taken me months to even acknowledge I was struggling. This wasn't even denial, this was me not even being aware there was an issue due to life being so busy. My husband and family seemed to know before I did that I wasn't doing very well, even though they know me very well I do find it worrying that they noticed it before I did. How can you make wise decisions if you don't even know how you feel? How can you offer advice or support to a loved one if you're broken inside and don't even realise it? In order to be ourselves, we need to know ourselves. I have always enjoyed writing lyrics and so for me this is a useful way to stop and let the words come out of my mouth through music as I'm playing my guitar, for some people this could be journaling or talking to a friend. However you approach it, we all need to find a way to make our internal voice heard. 

So for me, simplifying my life starts with acknowledging that it needs simplifying. As I continue to read my books and gain useful insight, whilst implementing the changes I wrote above I hope I'll be able to share with you some practical ways I'm simplifying my life. 

Next Blog: How I find peace and hope

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