My operation keeps getting delayed

 In Dec 2023 when I was diagnosed I had naively assumed they'd operate on me as soon as possible. I then went to see a cardiologist in Jan 2024, he said the operation would be done before Dec 2024. In June 2024 I spoke with the surgeon who said it would most likely be April 2025. I spoke with the cardiology department yesterday who said it would likely be September 2025. So chances are I will be waiting 1.5 - 2 years from my diagnosis until the operation. 

You can imagine how I felt after this conversation. I broke down in tears, every month the operation gets delayed it feels like its our lives being delayed. Another month living with a condition which impacts my mental well-being, another month not being able to travel, another month not able to start our family. To say it's frustrating is probably underselling how I feel right now. 

In last weeks blog I talked about appreciating your blessings, it's never been more needed than now. If I'm honest, I'm sick of not feeling mentally my best, of feeling stuck and feeling not quite myself. But I also don't want to be living in a season where it feels full of struggle and pain. I want to find contentment and hope even in those seasons that feel crap. It's easier said than done when you're in that season, but my mum said something very simple but profound to me yesterday. To paraphrase:

'This is your life right now, you can't change it and to long for future things that may never happen will stop you finding contentment in your present life'. 

My mum always talks about contentment, I think she got it from her dad. My Grandad Ken (in the photo above) grew up in poverty, his dad was a prisoner of war and when he returned there was barely anything left of him, they pretty much starved him. My Grandad was very intelligent but sadly got nervous and failed entry into a good school. My Grandad spent years working several jobs, raising a family, losing his wife when she was only in her early 60s, moving to Yorkshire to help my parents raise me and my sisters. His life wasn't some fairy-tale story, but he was one of happiest, most upbeat people I've ever known. Due to my Grandad's upbringing living in poverty I think it made him appreciate the simple things in life and that is where he found his contentment. 

It's not about achieving everything you hoped in life (as my Grandad probably didn't), it's not about having perfect health (my Grandad had very poor health towards the end of his life). It is about finding contentment where you are at, no matter what that season is. So, as I wait for this operation, which may keep getting delayed, I want to focus on those simple blessings in my life. To not be content when life is going great, but to be content in any situation.

Philippians 4: 11-13

I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.


Next Blog: Wife Talk: 4 things I've learnt

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