5 ways I've overcome fear this year

 

This year has been quite a challenging one for me and I've had to learn that in order to move forward with my life I have to fight fear, rather than succumb to it. 

My husband Andy pointed out to me recently that I wasn't seeming myself and that I had lost some of what made me, me. This upset me, but in a good way (if that makes sense). It made me realise that I had let myself change without even wanting to, and not in a good way. I decided to make some changes to overcome fear, rather than give into it. Before I share the 5 ways I have overcome my fear I want to caveat that I still feel fearful at times and I am not a finished product, just someone trying to manage a little better in this chaotic life we find ourselves living in!

1. I prayed about it

If you're a religious person you might be thinking 'weren't you doing that already?' and if you're not a religious person you might be thinking 'how is that meant to help me?'. What I realised I hadn't done is expressed how upset and angry I was at firstly the health struggles I was going through, and secondly how badly I was handling the situation. Sometimes the first thing you need to do when going through a struggle or a fear is express to yourself how difficult things have been. It's impossible to work on something if you don't know it needs working on. So, as a Christian I decided to pray to God and express my fears and struggles, and immediately I felt a little lighter and the main thing I felt is strength that I could fight the fear. So give it a try, pray or speak with a friend, whatever approach you take just find a way to express it.

2. I started to take action

For me personally my biggest fear was my heart condition and the risk of anything happening if I did too much exercise. I grew up near some beautiful walks and one of the walks is up a steep hill. I had done this walk so many times, but the prospect of walking up that hill with a known heart condition felt scary. I knew my body could cope with the walk, but mentally I couldn't seem to face it. I can't help but quote Christina Aguilera's Genie in a Bottle song 'my body's saying let's go, but my heart is saying no'....sorry lame joke I know! But that is how it felt. One day I thought 'screw this, I'm giving it a try' and I did it! The pride I felt in walking up a hill I'd walked up so many times seemed a bit excessive, but what it gave me was confidence, confidence I could do it again and maybe next time I could even walk up the hill a little faster.

3. I started putting my fear into perspective

When you're dealing with something challenging it's very easy to blow it out of proportion. The first two months after my coarctation of the aorta diagnosis I lived life as if I could die, a bit dramatic I know, but the fear felt very real and very big. When I allowed myself to realise this diagnosis was just one part of my life (not my whole life), it allowed me to reduce the size of it a little bit. I started working to improve other areas of my life including my marriage, my job, my fitness, my family etc. 

4. I listened to what the medical professionals were saying, not my fear

Sometimes it seems like there's a million voices in our head and the voice that is genuinely going to help us seems the quietest. I had medical professionals telling me 'you can exercise', 'things will return to normal after surgery' etc. but rather than listening to those wise words I allowed fear to take over, which was telling me 'this could impact you being able to bear children', 'this could stop you from achieving your dreams'. The question to ask yourself is 'what voice is the wisest?' If it's health related then it's probably your doctor. Don't let fear be the leading voice in your head

5. I tried to stop comparing my situation with others people's situation

One thing I am guilty of is comparison. I noticed when I started focusing on what other people had that we didn't have, I started to feel more fearful. For example when I saw women around me getting pregnant when it's something Andy and I wanted (and still want) I suddenly found myself fearing the future. However when I instead was thankful for what Andy and I have, I started to feel excited about life, and not fearful and upset. When you start asking yourself 'what if it doesn't happen for me/or for us?' it will always provoke a sense of fear of missing out. Every day I have to make the decision to pause and be thankful, otherwise the challenges of day to day life take over and I'm left feeling flat and overwhelmed.

I hope these 5 ways of overcoming fear can be applicable to you and your life. Please remember we are not finished products, don't expect perfection. 

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